Thursday, June 13, 2013

Part 3 Update on the Homeless Bohemian Lifestyle

Whelp, I've actually made it past one month of being voluntarily homeless, and it's been pretty easy with minimal hardship. I've only come into two awkward police confrontations with no consequence, and seldom any attention from other people. Though, about a week ago I did have a guy oddly ask me if I was alright and whether I had been shot by a gun . . . which made no sense why he asked that. (I think he was sneaking that in the conversation to intimidate me out of irrational suspicion.)

Now this lifestyle has become a full blown set of habits, and it no longer feels awkward brushing my teeth at the bookstore, eating a large sausage link in the car, or sleeping in the back seat at night. Quite a significant contrast to my first few nights, in which my anxiety was so high I jolted awake in the night several times in fear of onlookers, only to never have my fears confirmed.

Mentally I've grown, big time. The lack of omnipresent internet has changed my habits significantly, and without it constantly available to distract me, whether in seeking attention on Facebook or distracting myself with bird videos, I am much more focus and still, and feel a lot more intelligent and competent. My emotions are stable and calmer, and much more of my daily attention is focus on that which will authentically add something to my life, rather than tending to my anxieties or distractions. My mind is shifting more and more on autodidactism, wise money-management, habit development, and career progress.

I feel strangely more physically healthy too. I always wake up at 6 or 7 AM whether that amounts to a full night's sleep or merely 3 hours, and I absurdly never feel sleep deprived. All the time spent in the gym in cleaning up and cultivating my heat tolerance in the sauna has logically encouraged me back into working out, and I've restarted my Body by Science routines and feel all the better for it.

My estimate of this going on for 4-5 months longer remains about the same. I'm very unsure whether I want to stop when I catch up on my bills, pay most of my debt off, or what, but I do know that I can tolerate this lifestyle for a much longer time than I originally anticipated. In the daytime it's utter easy to stay within air-conditioned buildings such a the library or bookstore, and all my sauna training has enabled me to sleep comfortably without sweating. So far I've gotten by with some really convenient secret parking spots, uncaught as of yet.

Though, of course, it still isn't without its nuisances. There's always that one spot of worry whether anyone will catch me at my spot, or if I'll be seen and chastised on the spot, at night. While my body can tolerate the heat without sweating, it's still not the best of all sleeping circumstances, and my car smells like pork rinds consequently. My nourishment and hydration is easy, but the monotonous diet and inability to cook: Hmph. Oh so on, but all in all petty nuisances that amount to only mild annoyance and worry. Regardless, an apartment will be nice in the day that it comes.

I confess, however, that my greatest pain is not being able to maintain social contact with faraway friends as I otherwise could have with the internet. It gives me this painful feeling that the decline in activity is making me more invisible, and that friendships could be fading away by the day, in memory and affection. It's uncomfortable to think that I'll have to wiggle back into social networks of once close friends. I enjoy my alone time, but this solitude feels different. One feels connected to people when things such as phones and whatnot are available, but absent the means it feels different.

And yes, of course, there is still the slight shame that this blog still remains comatose. There's just hardly the means for it right now, with limited library access. My writing and my audience hasn't escaped my mind, however, and certain writing projects still continue to simmer within me.

For the months to come: More of the same. Clean-ups and working towards physical perfection at the gym, becoming a more robust worker at my job, saving and spending wisely -- especially with those overdue creditors, who seem nicer now that they know what I'm doing for them; and, most of all, correcting my flaws and setting up habits for greatness.

It is frequently on my mind how I am the author of my own problems, and the added solitude has emphasized my attention on the direly needed antidotes, and the things to be on guard against once I do get into an apartment with overly-ready internet access. This is now the time to become a better man, stay that way, and move towards self-mastery and becoming a prime-mover.

Perhaps at the end of it all I'll detail my experiences and practices . . . but for now, toodle loo. It is soon time to retreat to the library basement for more intellectual expansion. 

Monday, June 3, 2013

Homeless Update 2: Still Going, Progressing, and Enduring

Woo wee, it's hard to believe, but I've been homeless for nearly a month now. It's astonishingly bearable, and it's worst discomforts are annoying at max. I feel preposterous now for fretting so heavily over this possibility all those months before when it's a smoother process than I ever imagined. Really, I wished I had done this much sooner, as perhaps by this time frame I could have healed lesser financial problems and be back in an apartment by now, and in addition take advantage of sleeping in comfortable Texan winter.

At my present financial progress I estimate I'll continue this lifestyle for about 3-5 more months. I could very well afford an apartment by my next payday, but again I'm doing this to pay off my flaming debts that have run amuck this year, my most difficult financial year ever, so how long this continues is just a matter of where I'd like to stop. Short of my student loans, or with debt totally paid off?

The blogging break shall continue for some weeks more, at least. My interest hasn't waned in this site at all; it's just that I have much more restricted internet access, and without the library I'm left with my Kindle Fire, which I'm certainly not going to agonize in creating a blog post on. Perhaps in my payday after next I'll get a laptop. Until then blogging isn't my greatest of concerns, and it's not the best place to type with all these prying eyes and a computer timer to urge you to race to the finish.

My psychology changes in adopting this lifestyle is something I'll have to chew heavily, as I ought to change my habits more drastically upon getting back into an apartment. I thought losing so much access to the internet would be more painful, and yet my life hardly feels amiss. I feel fine not staying so on top of minutiae news, or having Facebook to entrap my attention. In fact, my intellectual capacities feel enhanced, for outside of work all there's left to do is write, read, work out, and eat. I feel more dedicated to perfecting my body and intelligence, and both seem to be making better progress consequently.

This reminds me that the things we spend most of our daily lives are what we get good at and incline our desires towards. In being depressed in my apartment over my finances and wiling away the hours on Facebook, I became "good" at social networking, and as a result I was regularly thinking in that realm, of gather content and posting it, and was frequently tempted to spend hours on it. Subtract the possibility of the that temptation and now I get my mind so much more into books, what good writing I can create, and how to elevate my life. My daily habits will need a strict overhaul with hefty discipline inserted to maintain these unintended homeless benefits, for I want to get good at strength-training, thinking, reading, learning . . . not social networking.

The biggest nuisance so far in this lifestyle is parking at night. It's silly that it's almost literally illegal for me to park anywhere at night short of a consenting homeowner's driveway or curb, so minus that possibility for me I'm pretty much forced to sneak and hide. Sure, there's places like Wal-marts that allow for some overnight parking for things like RVs, but nothing indefinite. Concealed areas are a beaut, for in those I can hang my flashlight from the ceiling and read for some hours before bed. Parking lots are a nuisance, for I have to stay down and hide, which means I'm essentially forced to go to bed after businesses like bookstores close, unless I choose to ponder while looking up at the partial sky through the window.

This homeless period, I keep telling myself, is a period I need to take very seriously for changing myself. Bad luck involvement aside (such as car troubles), I've still caused the majority of my current difficulty through actions such as what caused me to lose my hotel job last year, which signaled and kindled all this troubles to begin with. Upon getting a new apartment I ought to be a new man to enter it, one stripped of bad habits, a sense of emotional mastery, a focus on his cognition and productivity, and distractions such as Facebook glared at as if there were candles capable of burning the whole house down. Life can be grand as I can envision in, but only if I'm willing to fully dedicate myself on acting upon my knowledge, as I know my mistakes comprehensively; all that's last is to practice the remedy.

I'd like to abstain from stating any of my further goals, as I'm not fully committed to them yet, and feel slightly embarrassed to admit my interest where passion does not yet exist, but I've got my ideas. It still revolves around self-employment to a great extent, for no matter how much I value my workplaces and coworkers, I still feel that I can't unleash my full value unless I work directly with the consumer, unimpeded by as few middlemen as possible, especially higher-ups to report to. 

Until then, I'll keep popping in and out some random weeks to give you an update, until I get a laptop and can consider committing seriously again. Keep on being your best.