Thursday, May 16, 2013

Current Thoughts on My Homeless Bohemnian Lifestyle

Indeed as I report to you I am homeless. Before you panic (in case you’ve forgotten), I remind you I am not forced into this position. I’m doing it voluntarily because I think it may be the most practical way for me to go into hardcore debt-payment mode, which is what I want to do since I’ve been falling behind financially all year.

As of far, I’m utterly surprised at my response to it. I’m perfectly okay with it. I’m perfectly okay with sleeping in my car at night and spending my days camping inside the library and bookstore. It goes to show you that external circumstances truly hold lesser power than how you respond internally.

To think, I’ve spent months in my apartment complex panicking about the prospect of potentially getting evicted and becoming homeless, only to, upon my move out date, choose it calmly and willfully. I even tossed away some major things like my food processor, cutting board, plate ware, and so on to ensure minimal overflow of property to the backseat (to give peeping Toms less to see and decrease chance of theft, and to have a place to sleep as well), yet even with that I’m okay. After paying my debts I should be decently moneyed and buy it all back, especially my precious books.

I’ve renewed my gym membership to give myself a place to shave and shower, along with other perks cheaper than pay-per-trip truck stops, and eat decently. Nighttime actually gets quite exciting since I have to technically hide out. The alternating environment gives me something to contemplate the moments before going under in the back seat, and there’s a certain challenging element in sleeping in spasms, for once in sleep I regularly panic myself awake to survey the surroundings, only to go peaceably back under in moments. It’s becoming a peaceful habit to wake up at dawn – to slip out unseen – which makes my life feel extended in a way, with time less spent sleeping with the added enjoyment of seeing the sunrise.

Though, don’t think I’m romanticizing it. In all, it’s simply easier than I’d thought it would be, though, of course, trials are yet to come, such as the occasion I do get caught out or have to deal with night’s upcoming summer’s heat. In all, it’s a fresh experience which has allowed me to observe life and my habits from a different angle, but I still dislike since I don’t have a nice hard floor to sprawl out on, no access to cooking equipment for the discounted beef roast from Sprouts, and find it harshly lonely not to have my usual internet access. Without a laptop at present, it feels uniquely isolating not to check up with my friends in various states, especially since I haven’t met many people yet in Texas with my deep interests, sort of rendering me a temporary hermit in my real-life social network. However much I can bare it now, I still wish to end this lifestyle as promptly as I can, but not until I’ve paid off a significant portion of my debt.

Probably the biggest screwing up factor is the last of a full computer, which does mess up some rather significant plans I had for entrepreneurialship online. Plus, this blog is practically on hold. I’m at the library, but I don’t like that sensation of people looking at me. It’s not the same.

But let’s see how quickly I restore my credit and clear my debts without having rent, utility, or internet bills to pay, eh? Even if it’s a pain to be so deprived of the regular contact of my friends the subtraction of internet access does eliminate that distracting element, so while I’m incapable of engaging my entrepreneurial ideas at present my biggest goal these next few months (yes, months) is to work on building up as robust a mind as possible, one that is meticulously studious, vigorously creative, and overall enthusiastically active, both able to tolerate the mundane labor of my income-earning jobs while still exerting at at-home (er, in-car) improvement. Minus the omnipresent internet, there is far lesser excuse for me to not read or up my game at writing in a journal. (Though, darn it, I need to get myself a head lamp, for I feel forced into my bedtime with closing businesses and the sometimes dark parking places.)

My advice to you is to reevaluate your monsters in mind to see whether they’re truly as scary as they’ve been made out to be, or if it’s purely a matter of internal evaluation. Homelessness – the thing I’ve been so scared of all these past months – turned out not to be so painful after all.  

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