Monday, February 25, 2013

Coping Like James Bond

Oh a time of stress. Maintaining a sense of my own ability to care for myself is making me more robust against my tough times, but it still wears me out, at points.

How frustrating it can be to struggle in the restaurant industry for several years and still be a dishwasher by and large. Or to have envious people coming into your personal space to try every tactic to get you to snap, and act like victims once you do rebel against them. Or to be near bankruptcy when you know your mind has a greater economic worth than has been paid out, hindered by a "Factor X" which people emotionally and irrationally act out against. It gets to me, sometimes, to think that I'm not living as I want to, and have been dedicating far more time to physical labor than in cultivating a more intellectual-oriented life as I'd want to.

Though, I write not to whine, but to say things press on. There are solutions, even if it has taken me years of hardship to learn of the factors in play, such as the several years it took for me to realize there even was a "Factor X" within me to begin with.

One thing that calms me down is imagining a particular James Bond Scene from the book Dr. No. In the last portion, he goes through a course that was designed to test the human limit of tolerance for pain, and part of the course involves going up a ventilator shaft, a very long one that painfully pressed into his skin and wears his muscles in moving against gravity, yet necessitates constant progress lest he fall to his death.

In the agony, Bond copes with it by focalizing his awareness purely on what it takes to make the next step. He doesn't look up at what's left or how deeper the fall has gotten; he just focuses on making that next step.

That's what I've been doing to keep my awareness at peace: Just focusing on that next step. That next step to get me ahead, and then the next one. That's how to reach the light at the end of the shaft.

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