Sunday, September 16, 2012

Life Update

Just some off the cuff introspecting about present events to fit a wistful mood. My blogging habits still remain so sloppy that I must set aside time to update like this, rather than disperse information across articles.

Anyhow, mixed feelings are strong, but generally my life is going pretty darn well. I'm at a satisfactorily paying job at a fine dining restaurant with great people who are training me in prep tasks; while in big debt, I'm now earning more money to live more comfortably and not panic about money so much, and increasingly my self-improvement goals are becoming more and more successful. On this last, I've managed to reduce the amount of time I've been wasting, which has been depressing me; I'm on a far better track with my diet, which is one of my 2012 new year's resolutions; and I'm finally back to formally studying again, which is something I've been trying to get back to for years. (For your info, the current book is Culinary Math.)

Those are pretty bland descriptions I know, but still presents the new theme that my life, at long last, is getting better. I'm gradually rising in the restaurant industry after having struggled for 2.5 years, I'm crushing anxieties and obsessive thoughts that controlled me for over 5 years, and I'm finally getting back on track on a healthier, more Paleo lifestyle after anxiety drove me away for months (though not to grains or anything). With as much misery as I've endured and put myself through, this is great news.

Though, there are still some downpoints which often put me in a sort of angrily introspective mood, which still have yet to satisfactorily remedied. I get into work very early in the afternoon and get out oftentimes past midnight, so with the commute my freetime is drastically cut into, so I'm unhappy with how I spend those precious hours in regards to self-improvement. Additionally, though while drastically reduced in intensity, I remain bitter about still being a dishwasher. That's certainly a complaint I've broken all the guitar strings on, but the discontentment with the condition remains, so it's hard to refrain from talking about it. (I've been in the industry for nearly three year's for Christ's sake.) Finally, I'm not satisfied with myself concerning my status as a cultural activist, as I believe in very strongly in being a positive activist, though don't believe I do enough to aid my causes.

In short, things are good, but not as good as they should be. I want to rise up faster in the restaurant industry, for my current deserts are making me impatient with the current pacing. My finite time I want to use with the utmost wisdom, to ensure every hour is dedicated to my ultimate, long-term happiness. And I'd like to actually be more active on the cultural scene, rather than just posting articles, pictures, commentary, and whatnot on the likes of Facebook.

This passing 9/11 anniversary and my upcoming birthday have brought at once to my attention what dire straits the world is and how finite my time on earth is. In a particularly intensive thinking mood, the anger making the inside of my cranium feel toasty, I roiled with determination and thoughts of how so much more of my life can be dedicated to realizing my full potential. A cheesy thing to say, but at apt description for now.

Then it hit me that I am living irrationally after all. How did I get myself into the position where I actually have to contemplate how to dedicate more of my life to my long-term goals, when really all of my life should be dedicated to my most important values? My thoughts were the words of a man with too much waste and frill in his life.

Facebook, Twitter, online comics . . . such things are trivial additions to my life that don't even add to my daily satisfaction, and yet can garner huge costs in both time and concentration. With me dashing off to work so early and being so late, how can I dare think to waste time on Facebook or even to weaken my productivity by interspersing it intermittently in my work? It's amazing how I've been held back by such a triviality which I unthinkingly believed to contribute something meaningful to my daily routines, but which does not, not even in the spreading of better ideas. The smallest obstacle, holding me back dramatically!

I've been doing more to severely cut down on the use of wasteful websites, and to huge benefit. My productivity has skyrocketed, my self-satisfaction, and intellectual abilities too. Best of all, my desire to work is increasingly replacing my desire to play around in those zones, so my productivity is enhanced even further than that.

What I've realized from this is that in order to secure my happiness, fullest development, and ultimate potence as a human-being I've got to, in a way, be obsessed with my life. All activities and goals ought to swirl and design themselves around the core of me maximizing my intellectual capacity and becoming a culinary professional. Things like Twitter and all that, while they can add something worthwhile, ultimately add illusionary values which I really can do without.

I feel stiff in saying this, which is the rust on my blogging skills, but ideally when I first wake up I ought to start working then and there to begin improving my condition. To deal with my finances, study and improve my mind, set goals for work, work, and then continuing improving my condition before bed. Social networking, with my current habits, is such a deviation which serves little else but distractive harm.

To be more satisfied with how my time is spent before and after work, I've got to be waking up early and starting upon my goals immediately, and to not cease doing so even after my shift, just before bed. To finally rise out of the dish pit a LOT more of my time need to be dedicated to my development, as even with my merit I've still got to have the skills to actually be able to take advantage of an opportunity when it's there. And with the world in dire straits, I've got to better commit time to learning how to talk to people about the issues and doing actual activist things, rather than being so isolated to Facebook and the likes. It's need no radical restructuring of life except to eliminate the waste, procrastination, idling.

With brief experimentation I'm surprised at how I don't even miss some little things at all. I go a whole day without visiting a website I otherwise visit daily, and I cared not at all! How much did it contribute to my daily satisfaction after all, then?

I used to have this problem with morning walks, too. I used to love taking them, but gradually they became too much of an excuse to engage in self-destructive thinking, as I find it easiest to think while pacing. I cut it out of my routine and am hardly impoverished in spirit at all, except I will sometimes unleash an urge on a nature park trail.

It a small thing to do, but one with huge benefits. Hopefully it'll make me a better blogger on here, to wipe the rust off my skills. Hopefully the next time I write an update I can say I'm a prep cook, one with a very keen mind, becoming prominent on the activist scene.

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