Thursday, March 22, 2012

How I'm a Mess and Yet Content

A quick write-up to dispel any suspicion that I may have passed away, what with my poor writing habits as of late.

In a way, I'm still not recovered from the Wassail and Mr. Knife saga in terms of productivity, but I've been making vast emotional progress as of late, to the point that I've begun to actually reclaim serenity with life. So I'm a mess in that I haven't been doing well to maintain my productive habits as in the past, but at the same time I've been doing some very important learning and practices that has been having an immensely positive effect on my emotional health, which is part of my primary new year's resolution. I'd probably be more content if I kept myself busier . . . but progress is progress.

The two things that have been having a positive wallop are my identification of the Vegeta Mistake and my doing more rubberducking. On the former, I see now how much suffering I've inflicted upon myself all these years by carelessly engaging in the Vegeta Mistake, and in taking care to keep it constantly in mind I have both made healthy changes to my relationships and to myself. Not only have maintaining emotional control been doing wonders for my relationships, it's also been setting in motion some internal changes as well, as more and more do I feel a great reduction in those intense negative emotions, and now very rarely feel any temptation to act upon others on an intense whim. With what such a multi-faceted effect this identification has been having on me, I should recite those two words for years to come to keep me in check. I know it seems a little silly to be thinking in terms of an animated show here, but it works and applies for me.

On that latter, if I must remind you, by rubberducking I mean the practice of taking an inanimate object and speaking to it as if it were a sentient being, though not to the point of pretending it's speaking back or anything; you just use it as something to talk to. When I lived with my old landlord I gave up rubberducking for almost a year since it was impossible to do it with privacy in that home, so now restarting here in my new apartment and in the car I have seen what great effects I've been missing out on. Talking out an emotional problem is both a satisfying and quick way to relieve any nagging pressure, and I've been observing some other neat side-effects too, such as better speaking skills, improved mastery of vocabulary, and improved word choices in both speaking and writing. Restarting the practice has moved me to give up my introspection journal/diary altogether, which was my main form of emotional relief, as I've been forever frustrated with how slow the process was. Rubberducking can be done at nearly any time and incorporated during such activities as showering and tying your shoes. I use my Bowser bobblehead at home and a rubber, alligator-shaped pencil-topper in the car, though would like something for the kitchen.  

Observing its multi-faceted effects, I've got to see how far I can take its improvements. It'd probably help lots in studying, learning new words, memorizing . . . too often do I allow myself to be silent for hours on end, forgoing the easy benefits speaking aloud can give.

At some point in this year I intend to do a full and more exhaustive write-up in what I've done to obtain my mental health this year, but for now I'll rest content with some sporadic lessons, and wait for a more intensively written article to go into deeper detail. Right now, keep an eye on the Vegeta Mistake and talk to yourself on occasion, if you can. (Don't worry; you aren't crazy so long as the objects don't begin responding.)

Mentally, I think I've collected myself well enough that I need to begin focusing on other demons. From here, I think, my mental health will only improve if I take on greater pursuits such as seeking romantic love and whatnot. This budding serenity is a pleasant milestone, but further we must go. From here, I want to focus more on getting another job to improve my finances, and establishing more intellectually healthy routines so that I can get my mind and brain growing again, like back in my early college dropout days when I tested myself in private and intensive study. If I wish to maximize myself, I need to maximize my efforts.

And yes, while you may sarcastically smirk, part of my intention is to improve my writing regularity, so that I can reap the mental benefits of the precision practice. My being off with my to-do lists means I've been off with my writing too. I'll figure something out.

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